The School Conspiracy Theory

The School Conspiracy Theory

Over the past few days in school, I've begun to realize increasingly that class makes me feel two things. (a), hungry, and (b) tired. And the latter usually prevails. The moment I step out of class, however, that feeling goes away, and I instantaneously feel completely rejuvenated. My classmates tell me it's a common feeling that everyone feels, and if you're one of those who feel the way we do, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

Here is my theory on what really goes on, and what causes all this lethargy and tiredness. Here is my take, my attempt to explain the inexplicable and the bizarre. Here, is what I've come to believe.

See, I believe that what really goes on in schools, is that schools are not just institutes of education. Oh no, they're more than just that. The whole "institutes of education" thing is merely a front. What really goes on in schools is this: students are sources of energy that the government taps into as alternative forms of energy.

That's right, I believe schools are really just energy factories masked as institutions of higher learning, where kids go under the belief that they are there to learn things about the world around them, and grow as individuals, to be intellectually stimulated and to learn social skills and the nuances of human interaction. True, while generations of kids have grown up to be useful adults who contribute significantly to the society and economy, I believe what goes on in Energy Factories is much more sinister.

Sure, they teach you all these things in school, half of which don't even make sense. Why? Because I believe that extensive research has been done to delve into the minds of the young, and to search and decode their brain wave patterns. This is in turn used to generate huge amounts of energy, and extremely cheaply and pollution free at that. Good, you may think, why don't they tell us this if it were true? Well think about the backlash it might cause. Imagine the headlines Governments Found To Have Been Exploiting Youth To Power Nation. Not pretty, is it?

I believe that the curriculum and syllabus that are taught in schools are merely stimulus to the brain, and they are tailored to spike brain wave activity (because this is really the source of the energy the Energy Authority (henceforth known as the EA) is out to collect) and to ensure the highest yield of energy to guarantee the greatest efficiency, and maximum resource allocation. That is why the curriculum is constantly undergoing changes, because the frontiers of Brain Energy are constantly being pushed, new aspects are being found out, and therefore, changes have to be made to push Brain Energy yields. Bring on the Teach Less Learn More scheme, it really just is Teach Less Collect More.

Think about it, why else do students always feel so tired in class? Because their energy is being drained with great efficiency through their butts from the chairs that they sit on. Therefore, the moment they get out of their seats and out of class, they instantaneously feel better, simply because the Energy Tapping Devices are not at work anymore. As much as we don't see it now, and as much as everyone doesn't see it, ladies and gentlemen, it is Brave New World out there.

Tests and exams are not just tests and exams. What happens when you take such examinations? You think, a lot, don't you? And that is EXACTLY what the EA wants. Heightened thinking leads to spikes in brain wave patterns and hence higher energy yields. Just imagine, a hall packed full of 1000 students all panicking and working their heads away for a Physics paper perhaps, it really is a field day for the EA. Now that's just ONE hall. Imagine that, multiplied across the nation, and across the world.

What's more, with recently introduced Through Train programs such as the various Integrated programs and the International Bachelorette, they're once again just scheming plans to attain higher Brain Energy yields. Throw out the textbooks, they say, lets go play and learn at the same time. We'll go fox-a-flying for physics class, and crystal-a-growing for chemistry class. We'll throw two subjects together that don't really link and we'll call it Integrated Subjects. We'll keep you in class until 430 every day, and we'll give you nice furniture to make up for it. What really they want, is just Brain Energy, from poor young kids, and they're experimenting and fine tuning such methods of "learning" which really is just Energy Harvesting.

Well if you're still not convinced, here is what I believe that EA has found out about Energy Harvesting. I believe that they have found the maximum yields of energy are attained when students are under extreme stress, and especially when they are sleep deprived. As such, the tests and exams, are the peak seasons for harvest simply because of the stress, sleep depravation, and the heightened thinking. Homework and group work are also extremely essential to this process because it adds to the stress and sleep deprived factors. Why else are students forced piles and piles of tutorials and homework, and endless Project Works and group work? Teachers have a hard time marking them, but that’s what they have to do.

On the point of streaming and the various schools, which are so commonly hotly contested by many in society. Lets face it, people all function differently, and with streaming and "sorting out" the students, the EA effectively sets the basis for maximum yields again, because the curriculum that each different stream uses would be tailored best to gain the maximum fluctuation and stimulation of the brain waves of the different types of students. The same applies with the various different subjects that students choose to take on, and the whole notion of the "arts" and "science" faculties.

Furthermore, teachers are all just really agents of the EA. They spend two years in NIE learning not how to teach, but how to best tweak the minds of their students and squeeze every last drop of energy out of them. I think this explains the inexplicable and instinctive reaction that students have towards their teachers --detest and dislike.

So you see, schools really are Energy Factories whose sole aim is to gain the highest Harvest of Brain Energy. Behind the façade of being institutes of higher education, they really are just dungeons where students are gradually having their lives sucked right out of them, when they really should be out there in the streets having fun and enjoying their youth. Youth is wasted on the young, they say. I say, youth is tapped to run nations.

It may seem a far stretch. It may seem like a very long shot. It may seem that I have let my imagination take me by the hand and run away with it with reckless abandon. But I think not. And this is what I believe in with my whole being -- The School Conspiracy Theory.